On the other hand, you don’t want to be “that” couple. The one that writes love letters on each other’s Facebook walls. Of course, there’s also the risk that the relationship might eventually end. There’s only one thing worse than breaking up, and that’s having to change your relationship status on Facebook when you do. Natalie Roos went from “in a relationship” to “single”. Cue “oh no, what happened?” comments and inbox messages (especially from that guy you met that one time).
But I’m a sharer. I like to document my life and experiences. I like to read about the lives and experiences of others. There’s something about seeing someone going through the same stuff as you, experiencing the same highs and lows as you. It makes you feel like you’re not the only one on earth who has to deal with the general admin I like to call “being alive”.
I met the best person in the world on the 28th of September 2013. On Saturday we will have been dating for a year. In the past year we’ve had an amazing time getting to know one another, falling in love and fighting. We fight SO MUCH. And at first that really stressed me out.
In previous relationships, fights meant one of several things: An ex boyfriend would use every single fight as an excuse to hook up with a girl. “But I thought it was over between us!” Another would put up an impenetrable wall as soon as a fight was on the horizon. I mean, he would literally stare blankly at me and not say a single word. Silent treatment for days until it looked like I’d given up. Basically, any fight meant that the relationship was on the brink of being OVER. Very stressful.
But after the first few fights we both realised that fighting doesn’t mean it’s over. And ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away. Fights don’t mean you’re basically breaking up.
We don’t fight because we don’t like each other, or because one person does something particularly hurtful or thoughtless. We fight because; a) he loves nothing more than arguing, even if he has no particular emotional investment in the point being argued (I know he’s going to comment on this, arguing that he in fact, doesn’t like arguing) and b) I love nothing more than being right and being agreed with. Other reasons we fight include: him being a morning person and me definitely not being one.
I’ve learned a lot from this relationship. I’ve finally learned to balance being in love and having a life outside of that love. I’ve learned what it’s like to be loved for exactly who you are (even if you are shit) not who you can be when you are being your best self for the sake of someone else. I’ve also learned that I don’t have to fit inside someone’s “girlfriend box”. I know what it feels like when someone thinks you’re so great that they want you in their “life box”.
This guy. I never thought that men actually treated women the way this guy treats me. Oh how we have laughed. Together and at each other. We laugh mostly all of the time that we’re not fighting. Laughter is the best medicine, so it was important to understand the other person’s sense of humor when we first met. “If they have a sarcastic sense of humor and you don’t, you may end up feeling offended or misunderstood”, say the relationship experts at DatingPilot. If your sense of humor is dirty and sensual in nature, you may make your partner feel uncomfortable. So, pay attention to what makes you laugh and what leaves your partners in fits of hysterical giggles. After being together for a year, I think we know quite a bit about each other, including what we both find funny! We always seem to be laughing.
He never makes me feel insecure. He never dismisses my feelings. He never puts me second. He will get up in the middle of the night to get me a glass of water (this is a metaphor for the kind of guy he is). He will support me when I decide to go to India for a month by myself. He will hang out with my parents even when Arsenal is playing. He will drive to pick me up in the middle of the night even though I am perfectly capable of taking an Uber. He is the ever-loving best.
Thanks for 365 days of learning about love Keenan. You’re the best person I’ve ever met.