15 Reasons Why You Will Hate Cape Town

February 20, 2015   /   bynatalie  / Categories :  Food & Wine, Personal, Travel
cape town city bowl

Did you see this post listing the 25 reasons why you should never visit Greece? As someone who recently visited Greece myself, I can attest to the fact that everything in that article is 100% true. There are hundreds more reasons not to visit Greece – in fact, too many to mention!

Now I feel like its my duty to tell the world why no one should ever visit Cape Town. I mean, if you hated Greece, you will want to burn Cape Town to the ground. It’s just not the kind of place you want to travel to, you know?

1. THERE IS NOWHERE TO GO FOR A PICNIC

cape town picnic

Greenpoint Park, Cape Town

cape town picnic

Spier Werf, Stellenbosch

Literally nowhere. No winefarms. No public parks. No beaches. Nothing. You might as well burn that picnic basket because you will never enjoy a meal outdoors again.

2. THE WINE IS TERRIBLE

cape town wine

Laborie, Paarl

cape town wine

Longridge Long Table Dinner, Stellenbosch

Ask anyone who knows anything about wine. South African wine is horrible. It never wins any awards, and for good reason. Because it is terrible.

3. THE SUNSETS ARE AVERAGE

cape town sunset

Marty and Megan, Koggelbaai 

cape town sunset

Seapoint Promenade, Cape Town

You might as well just watch TV when the sun goes down because the sunsets are super average. There just isn’t anywhere to watch the sky turn pink and purple and orange and gold.

4. THE BEACHES ARE AWFUL

cape town beach

Bikini Beach, Gordon’s Bay

cape town beach

Clifton, Cape Town

If you’re planning on spending some time on the beach, move along. There are just no nice beaches in Cape Town. Not Clifton 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th. Not Camps Bay. Not Bakoven. And not any of the others.

6. THE FOOD IS AWFUL

cape town food

Bistro 13, Stellenbosch

cape town food

Babylonstoren, Franschhoek

There’s not a decent bite to eat anywhere in Cape Town. I’d sooner go hungry that allow a single morsel to pass my lips in this city.

7. THE PEOPLE ARE UGLY 

women of cape town

Capetonian Women – EUW, amirite?

people of cape town

Smitswinkelbaai 

Sorry, but they are. Cape Town would be greatly improved by a few plastic surgeons. Or better yet, brown paper bags.

8. THE BUILDINGS ARE UGLY 

cape town building architecture

The Mount Nelson, Cape Town

cape town city bowl

Cape Town City Bowl by night

Everywhere you look, ugly! The buildings are ugly and the city bowl is a mess. Nothing nice to see anywhere. No Cape Dutch architecture, no colourful buildings or jaw-dropping views. Nothing.

9. THERE’S NOWHERE TO WORK OUT 

cape town excersise

Seapoint Promenade, Cape Town

lions head cape town

Lion’s Head, Cape Town

 

Another thing that you will hate about Cape Town is that there is not a single place to exercise. I mean, there are gyms, but there’s nowhere that you can work out and get active for free. If only there were some mountains to climb, or a promenade to run along. This is why people in this city are so ugly.

10. IT’S IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

cape town getaway

The Beach Camp, Paternoster

luxury safari lodge cape town

Gondwana Luxury Safari Lodge, Western Cape

 

If you’re someone who likes exploring and getting away for the weekend, don’t come to Cape Town. There is literally just nothing to see within two hours drive of the city. No beachside getaways or winelands retreats and certainly no luxury safari lodges. You’re basically stuck in this hell hole.

 11. THERE’S NO NATURAL BEAUTY 

waterkloof wine farm cape town

Waterkloof Wine Farm, Somerset West

cape point

Cape Point

Like, how even can people live here? It’s all so artificial and man made!

12. THE LOCALS HATE IT

people of cape town

Koggelbaai, Cape Town

lauren fowler

Lauren Fowler, Grotto Bay

Why wouldn’t they though?

13. THERE’S LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO

table mountain

Orangekloof rest stop, Hoerikwaggo hiking trail, Table Mountain

up the creek

Up The Creek Music Festival

Like, no music festivals or art festivals. No theatre. No hiking trails. No nightlife. Nothing.

14. NO MATTER THE SEASON, IT’S JUST THE WORST

cape town city bowl

Cape Town City Bowl, Winter

cape town autumn

Autumn in Cape Town

Summer, winter, autumn, spring. They’re all TERRIBLE!

15. THE LIVING WORST

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Cape Town from the sky

Screen Shot 2015-02-20 at 3.27.53 PM

Cape Town from the sky

Screen Shot 2015-02-20 at 3.28.29 PM

Hermanus from the sky

Where do you live? It’s probably awful too!

23 comments

  • Reply

    Francoise / 20 Feb

    What an insightful post! You really managed to capture all that is ghastly about Cape Town. It must have been extremely tedious for you to document each and every horrid aspect of this city and I can feel your pain from one stunningly bad photo to the next. Can you imagine how tough it is for those of us who have to live here, year after year?

    • Reply

      natalie / 20 Feb

      Painful. Absolutely.

  • Reply

    jess / 20 Feb

    loved this!

    • Reply

      natalie / 20 Feb

      Thanks Jess 🙂

  • Reply

    Emma / 20 Feb

    This is great!

  • Reply

    Bailey Schneider / 20 Feb

    So gross I decided to make it my home… 2 years in April this year. Only just making it through my life sentence.
    LOVED this and the Greek post! 😉

  • Reply

    Lauren / 20 Feb

    Cape Town is so awful. I was born here, so I’m stuck here. I had to get married on this awful wine farm in a forest. It was so gross.

  • Reply

    Baas de Beer / 20 Feb

    Agreed. Luckilly for me I live in Gauteng and can easilly avoid all these atrocities.

  • Reply

    Cedric / 21 Feb

    So pesimistic and depressing. I personally think anywhere you go Natalie will be morbid haha……….

  • Reply

    Megan / 21 Feb

    Lol… The person who wrote this is an idiot who was probably dropped in some deserted place somewhere because she said something idiotic… lol… but cool post. Cape Town is absolutely horrible. I wish it had mountains, for example that table mountain I hear about all the time… where is that again??

    • Reply

      natalie / 04 Dec

      Lol Megan! Good comment!

  • Reply

    Rick-Rack / 23 Feb

    I hate Cape Town so much. I also hate this post. I hate that there are so many reasons to hate Cape Town.

    I love some of these responses though 🙂

  • Reply

    dorothy black / 23 Feb

    I think this was a nice attempt to be honest about how horrible cape town is, but i think you could’ve done a little more homework documenting the nightmarish reality that is waking up in this holiday town.

    Other obvious inclusions could’ve been the terrible cafe culture, the noisy use of public spaces by artists, happy people and crafters (#URGH), distressing number of markets, live music scene and all these first-whatever set-ups.

    Basically, only 15 seems a little kind and i feel you could’ve done a better job. I’m not trying to be nasty, Natalie, I’m just telling it like it is.

    Yours in Cape Town torture,
    Dot

  • Reply

    Melissa / 23 Feb

    I hate Cape Town so much, I hate the fact that I uprooted my life and moved here almost a year ago, it’s so goddamn horrible here. Oh and I agree with Dot Nats, you could have found a few more reasons to describe the hell that CT is 🙂

  • Reply

    Desiree Haakonsen / 04 Mar

    I must be a true sadist because I’ve forced myself to move to Cape Town 3 time…3 TIMES!!

  • Reply

    10 reasons why you should never visit Durban | life's story / 04 Mar

    […] you seen Natalie Roos’s post on 15 reasons why you will hate Cape Town? It’s a shocking exposé. As a fellow South African I thought it only right to do the same […]

  • Reply

    Linda / 06 Mar

    Cape Town is beautifu and cleanl no doubt about that. But besides that I would rather live in Cape Town than in Durban.

  • Reply

    Matthew / 25 Mar

    I love Cape Town! I don’t think that it is described like that. It is a big tourist attraction, but that’s just my comment.

  • Reply

    10 reasons why you should never visit Durban | lovedurban / 05 Jun

    […] you seen Natalie Roos’s post on 15 reasons why you will hate Cape Town? It’s a shocking exposé. As a fellow South African I thought it only right to do the same […]

  • Reply

    Carole M / 11 Feb

    Having visited Cape Town I am a lone voice here. I thought it was grossly overrated. Table Mountain is indeed a flat topped boulder. The townships and industro as you drive into Cape Town are eye sores. There are so many more beautiful places to see and so many other places that have proper mountains as a back drops. Plus the country is very very dangerous.
    Your wine does not win many awards. Only that weak chenin blanc makes it to UK wine lists and it is at the bottom of the list.
    Hate to break it you you but Cape Town is nothing special.
    Rio De Janeiro vistas knocks spots off Cape Town as does Mount Wellington in Hobart.

    • Reply

      natalie / 04 Dec

      Hi Carole, I think you’ll find that our wines win many many awards.

  • Reply

    thea / 03 Dec

    We moved here April 2017, we are unable to live or eat, my husbands job Fuji made him redundant and we had to choices, we cant bye a house we cant eat, we can not have medical any more as the prices of foods and medical rentals are 30% more, the drought makes you depressed, and sitting on the beach is a nightmare you either get blown away or cold as hell. This feels like death, and due to the country there is no jobs for us any where, we cant even find a decent enough church, they fine you for everything and everyone has a criminal record her or are always drunk or on drugs no wonder. Durban is by far a better place , thank you fujifilm you bitches for turning my life upside down, without family or a way out

    • Reply

      natalie / 04 Dec

      Hi Thea, sounds like you’ve had a tough time! Of course my article is all in jest, but I hope your situation starts to look up very soon!

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